It has been a very, very, very long time since I last blessed the internet community with the fashion related thoughts I have regarding various celebrities and their various fashion accomplishments. But there is a very good reason for that, namely, I had a shit load of exams for College.
So you can rest assured that the break was not me swanning about having the bants and drinking mojitos.
No, no, no.
They were two months filled with me trying to somehow learn a whole years worth of philosophy in a very short space of time and reading Wikipedia summaries of novels that I was supposed to read in November.
But now I am finished and have FOUR WHOLE MONTHS college free, so I can get back to being the hack that I once was.
So without further adieu,
I give you - CANNES
So, obviously, I wasn't at Cannes this year, or any year for that matter. For some reason beyond my understanding LocalLightPollution doesn't yet warrant an invite to the glitzy event in the south of France.
But with the wondrous invention of the internet I was able to creep on all the outfits from the comfort of my own home and judge them from 2,000Km away.
Megan - 1
People who run Cannes - 0
The "On The Road" Premiere
Kirsten Dunst in Dior Pre A/W 12-13
Beautiful dress, beautiful colour.
It's inoffensive, but I don't think enough to be overly boring.
It's just simple, and the fushia pink and her complexion doesn't really need to be commented on.
Well played Ms. Dunst, Well Played.
Bonnie Wright in Dolce&Gabbana
Soz Bonnie, but no.
I'm sure you're a lovely girl, you look super friendly and approachable AND you were in Harry Potter (kudos), but this outfit is pretty disappointing.
As something to wear out for lunch, to the shops, for a drink - GRAND
For the premiere of one of the most hotly anticipated films of the year? - NO.
At least put on a pair of heels next time you're wearing a knee length skirt, okay?
Alexandra Maria Lara wearing Elie Saab Couture
Now, considering that she's married to this guy (pictured below), I really want to hate this dress.
I want to hate everything about this girl, I really do. Anyone who gets to be married to Sam Riley deserves a little bit of envy induced hate, it's just one of those things.
But the issue here is, I really like this dress.
She looks amazing, and as much as I don't want to say it, if I was Sam Riley I would definitely be a happy guy right now.
So, begrudgingly, I will say that this dress was probably one of the best I saw.
Just a picture of Sam Riley to put the previous rant in context.
That is all.
Naomi Watts wearing Marchesa at the "Madagascar 3" Premiere
There pretty much is only one word to describe this.
I don't really know what else you can say about this piece.
The colours, the textures, the shape. All amazing.
Diane Kruger wearing Nina Ricci at the "Killing Them Softly" Premiere
By the time I had been through all the photos of Cannes I could pretty much have done a blog post solely about all the amazing stuff that Diane Kruger wore.
It was all unreal (except one mini-dress which tied up at the sides but considering how good the average was I'll let that slide)
This was my favorite of the pieces she wore.
For anyone who has read my previous posts about A/W12-13 or Couture Week etc, you'd know I love this style of dress. Simple, feminine and with a little bit of embellishment.
Jane Fonda wearing Cavalli at the "Once Upon A Time In America" screening
Jane Fonda in three years older than my Granny.
I will repeat that.
Jane Fonda is three years older than my Granny.
What. The. Fuck.
She is SEVENTY FOUR
I'm thinking this may be a trick by Wikipedia to fool me
There can be no way that this woman is SeventyFour.
Fierce isn't even the word.
A Couple of Cannes Party Shots
Jada Pinkett Smith wearing Paco Rabanne at the America Women in Film Party
Please never wear this again. Please.
I'm sure it looked nice on the runway Jada ,They always look nice on the runway
But it just doesn't suit you. Sorry.
Just burn it or something, I don't care what you do with it, just never wear it again.
Tilda Swinton wearing Haider Ackermann A/W 12-13
I LOVE TILDA SWINTON
I think she could be one of the coolest people on the planet.
Without a doubt one of the most stylish
I want to ask her what her secret is, how is it possible for someone to be so fierce?
Maybe one day she'll comment on one of these posts and tell me and the world how she manages to be so unbelievably fucking cool. Maybe.
The dress is amazing.
We can just take it for granted that what she wears is going to be amazing.
It's Tilda. It's just a fact.
That's all from Cannes for now
And if you have managed to make it through this post with out giving up/getting really angry by everything said in the post/somehow being offended (Soz Jada and Bonnie) then thank you very much
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I'm now off back to my glamorous life of ironing clothes and walking my dog